


Can I Clear My Conscience?

by thecoquimonster



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Percico - Freeform, Percico Challenge Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-14 02:57:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1250188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecoquimonster/pseuds/thecoquimonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Death Touch: Nico’s powers have gone out of control and he’s killing living beings with a single touch. The only one who can save him is Percy. Prompt based on The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can I Clear My Conscience?

**Author's Note:**

> Oh gods I hope I did midnightinjapan's wonderful concept justice. 
> 
> This is for the for the Percico Challenge and I stressed about this probably more than I should have. 
> 
> All characters belong to Rick Riordan.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZsScfyFZlY
> 
> Might wanna listen to that~
> 
> Enjoy. :)

He really doesn’t want to be doing this, but Percy and Jason had insisted, saying that he had to get out of his cabin once in a while. Ever since the war ended and he and Annabeth broke up, Percy has been trying to bond with Nico and while he likes spending time with Percy, it hurts a lot, so more often than not, he locks himself up in his cabin and pretends not to notice the older half-blood’s brief flings with other girls.

At least with Annabeth, he knew there was no hope. Now, with Percy single (most of the time), he tortures himself with the hope that they can… but no, Percy’s straight.

But tonight, he is not locked up inside his cabin, because two certain sons of the Big Three pretty much forced him.

 So there he is, playing Capture the Flag on Percy and Jason’s team. He’s on defense, near the creek, while Percy, for the first time in basically forever, is taking the offense. Jason is around… somewhere. He just knows that he’s on his own and it’s up to him to make sure people don’t get past him and find the flag.

Insects buzz around him and the humid air is making him sweat, and his heavy armor isn’t making it much easier on him. He hates this, wishes he were back in his cabin. He wouldn’t be asleep, because he never really sleeps, but he’d be tucked up in his bed. Nico would feel calm and at peace and just fine.

But instead he’s fidgeting and worrying about whether or not someone will accidently touch him –it happens in fights, after all. It isn’t just his general aversion to touch; it’s grown into something more, because a few months ago, Nico realized that it actually physically hurt him whenever someone touched him. It feels like being dunked in a vat of acid, or worse.

Nico hears gentle footfalls near him, feels the vibrations of the ground underneath his feet, and he instantly raises his guard and turns to his right, where he sees a figure charging straight at him. Their blades meet with a deafening _clang_ and they fight for a while. Nico can’t tell who he is, but it wouldn’t matter anyway, since he barely knows anyone at this camp save for Percy, Jason, Annabeth, Piper, Leo, and a few others. He just knows that this guy is much taller (which doesn’t say much, since pretty much everyone is taller than Nico), probably older, and really good. The fifteen-year-old knows he isn’t the best swordfighter, because he’s too used to raising up an army of the dead to aid him, but he isn’t _terrible_ and he can certainly hold his own against Jason. This guy, however, is better than Jason. Not as good as Percy, but definitely better than Jason.

The other demigod gets impatient and he starts pressing Nico more forcefully, and the son of Hades panics. He steps it up, trying to keep the older half-blood at arm’s length, scared of touching because it will burn like the Phlegethon (and he should know). It doesn’t matter though, the guy tries to push Nico out of the way, making contact with some of Nico’s exposed forearm.

Nico cries out in agony and falls to his knees as the older boy drops like a sack of potatoes. He thinks it’s just the excruciating pain that is making his ears buzz, but as the agony fades to a dull ache, he realizes the other half-blood isn’t moving. Isn’t breathing. And his life force isn’t there.

He’s _dead._

Needless to say, it freaks Nico out a bit. As if the fact that he just killed someone isn’t enough, he killed someone _just by touching them._ His stomach clenches and he feels ill and a feeling of cold horror settles over his entire being. He scrambles away, terrified of this horrible thing he’s done.

This shouldn’t have happened, it shouldn’t have happened. How can someone _die_ just by touching an itty-bitty son of Hades?

“Oh, gods,” Nico chokes out.

He should run. He should definitely run.

But then they’ll know it was him.

He can’t let them know it was him, because he’ll be labeled as a monster. It’s already bad enough he thinks of himself as one. It would hurt like Hades to hear it out of another’s mouth.

What to do, what to do. He could call on the earth to bury the half-blood. Disappearances are rather common; they’ll search for him but then give him up for dead. A monster did it. Yes, yes, that’s the best plan.

As discreetly as he can, he buries the dead demigod.

Once he’s finished, he leans on a tree and covers his face with his hands, trembling with guilt.

“Nico!” he hears Percy’s familiar voice and he glumly looks up. His… _crush_ (he has to say crush because any other word would mean that he feels more for the son of Poseidon, which he does, but he’s really trying to get over it. It hasn’t happened in the five years he’s known him and maybe it’ll never happen, but by the gods, he has to try) is holding the other team’s flag triumphantly and is waving it in his face. “Didn’t I tell you we would win?”

“You told me,” he agrees flatly.

The older half-blood frowns. “Hey, what’s wrong? You didn’t have any trouble here, did you?” Percy looks around and can’t find anything wrong, but all Nico can think of is the fact that Percy is standing right over the guy’s grave and doesn’t even know it and gods, this guilt will eat him up. But he can’t let anyone know. Least of all Percy.

“No trouble here, but I certainly heard trouble,” he murmurs.

“What do you mean?”

Nico rests his head on his hands. “I heard someone die.” It isn’t a lie, but it’s not the full truth either.

“During the game?”

He nods.

“Do you know who?”

Nico shakes his head.

Percy keeps pelting him with questions. “Did you see him? Where was he?”

“I can’t feel his body,” Nico replies, shutting his eyes tightly. “Monster probably ripped him to pieces. Guess we’ll find out after everyone comes back from the game, huh?” He tries to let out a laugh but it comes out as more of a strangled whimper than anything else.

“Oh, gods, Nico,” mutters the taller boy, lowering himself onto his knees and reaching out to comfort him, but Nico flinches away, his arms tight against his body and facing away from Percy.

“Please don’t touch me,” he snaps, fearing the same outcome for Percy as earlier.

But Percy is a Seaweed Brain. He just crawls forward and continues calmly, his arm still extended, as if Nico were a wild animal that Percy was attempting to gain the trust of, “Hey, I know how hard on you these death powers can be. It’s okay. I just want to help.”

_“Just don’t touch me,”_ Nico warns again, dark eyes flashing dangerously.

His friend seems a little disappointed. “Okay.” He stands up and gestures for Nico to follow. “I guess we should bring back the news.”

Nico’s plan of hiding the truth works. The campers are saddened by the death of Toby Greenfield, son of Demeter, but life goes on. Monster attacks happen.

Except it isn’t a monster, and it wasn’t an attack.

It was Nico, and it was an accident.

Try convincing people that a son of _Hades_ killed someone by accident, though.

**Ω Ω Ω**

It happens again, a week later. No one else is around to see, so Nico just does what he did last time. The campers are upset and anxious about this ‘monster’ in the forest, and they hold a war council (he suspects they’re getting bored and that’s why it’s a ‘war’ council and not a ‘what in Hades is going on’ council).

“We have to find this thing and kill it before any other campers get hurt!” Clarisse states, slamming her hand on the ping-pong table. Murmurs of agreement come from the entire group of head counselors.

Their hunts do not come to fruition.

**Ω Ω Ω**

Two weeks later, Nico decides to leave. He figures that it’s safe now; the two deaths are behind them, sort of, and he _is_ the type to just appear and disappear at random times; he doesn’t think anything of it. He can always make the excuse that his father needs him in the Underworld.

He takes a look at Camp Half-Blood from Half-Blood Hill and silently says goodbye to his very few friends.

He should have known he would have a shadow.

Or two.

Jason and Percy run up the hill to him right as he is about to leave.

“You’re coming back, right?” Jason asks good-naturedly.

“I don’t know,” he confesses. “I don’t… I’ve never felt welcome here.”

“Not this again,” says Percy, rolling his beautiful sea-green eyes. “Nico, we accept you. After the war with Gaea, you’re a hero. Why do you always have to leave?”

“Percy, you don’t understand, I just… have to go,” he insists, backing away.

“Nico,” Jason says, stepping forward and reaching out to take his hand. Nico cringes away, but not before Jason’s hand grazes his skin.

The son of Hades lets out a short wail of pain while he hears Jason’s death ringing in his ears and _no no no this can’t be happening this is some nightmare not Jason please not Jason oh gods what have I done oh gods, oh gods of Olympus what is wrong with me? What is happening to me? Why am I becoming a monster?_

Percy’s eyes widen at he sees Jason lying lifelessly before him, and he slowly raises his gaze to meet Nico’s terrified dark chocolate brown eyes. “Nico, what… is he…?”

“Dead!” Nico cries, filled with grief and pain and guilt. Oh, the guilt he feels cannot be described in words. “Dead as a doornail. Dead, dead, _dead_ , ding-dong the son of Jupiter is dead.” Nico’s trembling and scared and grief-stricken and he’s probably making no sense to Percy, but that doesn’t matter. He keeps backing away from Jason, staring at the older teen who had been his best friend (by force; if it had been Nico’s decision, he and Jason would have very minimal interaction, but the damned son of Jupiter wouldn’t leave him alone and then they were best friends and he tried to help Nico get over Percy and they would just _hang out_ but not anymore, because he’s _dead_ ). “Morto. Morto. Morto,” he repeats in Italian, over and over. _Dead. Dead. Dead._

“Nico…” Percy murmurs, stepping towards him, but Nico shakes his head and feels the shadows pull at him.

Shadows, yes, shadows. Shadows would always welcome him. He would always belong to the shadows.

**Ω Ω Ω**

He runs.

He doesn’t know where he’s running.

He doesn’t know when he’ll stop.

But he’s running.

And he’s hiding.

And he refuses to be brought out of the shadows.

They are his only comfort, after all, the shadows. The only place he won’t feel this guilt eating away at him, won’t feel this terrible self-loathing that has only been strengthened since people started dropping dead around him.

He can’t run forever, but he’ll try.

**Ω Ω Ω**

Percy’s left alone with Jason’s dead body and no knowledge at all how to explain this. Jason barely touched Nico, and then he just dropped dead. He remembers Nico’s panic whenever he was about to touch him. Is this why? If so, why didn’t he ever tell them? Doesn’t Nico trust them?

_Apparently not_ , he thinks, feeling a sort of sadness wash over him. Of course Nico doesn’t trust him. Until how long ago did he distrust _Nico_? Only after escaping Tartarus did Percy realize that there had never been cause to distrust him after all. Nico more than redeemed himself after that one incident when he was twelve and he sold Percy out to his father to gain information on his mother. In retrospect, Percy can understand why his younger friend did it. If Percy had no clue about his family, wouldn’t he do anything to know _something_ , to have some sort of connection to his past?

He looks at Jason again and takes a deep breath. He’ll have to go down with the son of Jupiter’s body sooner or later. He’ll have to explain what happened sooner or later. With difficulty, he takes Jason’s body up in his arms. Jason was heavy when he was alive; with the weight of death on him, it’s even worse, but Percy manages.

“Percy!” he hears Piper’s voice screech in horror. He looks up to see the daughter of Aphrodite running toward him, her kaleidoscope eyes wide with fear. “What’s wrong with Jason? What happened to Jason?!”

“He’s dead, Piper,” he replies tiredly.

“How?” she demands, which, if Percy carrying a dead body hadn’t caused a scene; this certainly does. In a matter of seconds the entire camp is crowded around him, asking how Jason died, what happened. There aren’t any wounds, so it’s strange to them.

Percy has to choose his words carefully. He needs to tell the truth, but in a way that won’t put the campers against Nico. Annabeth isn’t here to calm things down (her being at college and all), and Piper can’t do anything with her charmspeak if it’s her boyfriend who is dead. “Jason and I found Nico leaving camp, and we didn’t want him to. Jason tried to take Nico’s hand to force him to stay, but the second he touched Nico, he dropped dead. I can only assume,” he says slowly and calmly, “that Nico has a new power he doesn’t know how to fully control.”

“You mean, he’s killing people with a single touch!” Clarisse yells.

“That’s one way to put it, yes, but–”

“And he was probably the one to kill Toby and Carrie!” shouts someone else from the crowd.

“We don’t know that–”

“Oh, please,” Clarisse snarls, “think for a second, Percy. Who was the one to tell you about Toby’s death?”

“Nico,” he replies, feeling a bit shaky.

“And Carrie’s?”

“Nico.”

“And there has been no evidence of a monster anywhere in the woods!” Katie Gardner says, her brown eyes gleaming with fury. “The _real_ monster was among us all along!”

“Guys, calm down,” he tries. “Nico’s probably just as scared and angry at himself as we are of him. He doesn’t understand what’s happening–” 

“My ass!” yells Piper. “He would have told Jason at least!”

“Why would he kill Toby and Carrie on purpose? Or Jason? He and Jason were best friends,” he asks, but the crowd is too far gone. They are calling for blood, they are calling for a hunt, they are calling for a quest to defeat the monster –they aren’t calling him Nico anymore, and Percy feels sick.

Nico caused Jason’s death, yes. But Percy can’t forget the expression of utter horror and self-loathing on the younger demigod’s face after Jason dropped dead. The boy never meant for any of this to happen and now it’s blowing out of proportion. It seems they understand that Nico isn’t really doing it on purpose; Chiron has made sure of it, but they’re still determined to hunt Nico down.

The campers are making sure that Percy is not one of the ones to go on the quest, but that won’t stop him from trying to find Nico first.

**Ω Ω Ω**

A good place to start is to ask Hazel, so that’s exactly what he does. He IMs her and tells her everything.

“Oh, gods…” she says, covering her mouth in shock. Her golden eyes are incredibly sad. “Oh, Nico… it got worse.”

“What do you mean ‘it got worse’?”

Hazel shakes her head. “Physical touch hurts him, that’s why he doesn’t like to touch or be touched. The only person who didn’t negatively affect him in that way was me. I guess because we’re both children of the Underworld. But it hurts him, and usually hurts the other person too. I guess it got so bad that his touch actually kills people now. I never thought this would happen. I just thought this was something that only children of Hades had to deal with. I never imagined it would escalate into something like this! Oh, poor Nico! He must be so frightened.”

“He looked pretty frightened when he killed Jason,” he murmurs.

Tears fall down Hazel’s cheeks as she nods. “Nico isn’t bad, you know. He’s really kind and helpful and loyal, but he’s just… afraid. Jason was his first real friend in a while, I think.”

Percy agrees with her, giving her a sad, short nod. “So, if he’s not with you, where do you think he is?”

“The Underworld is a pretty safe bet, but…” she frowns and tugs at a strand of her hair. “If he doesn’t want to be found, then he probably won’t be there. He could be anywhere. If he doesn’t want to be found, he won’t be found. It’s that easy.”

“Can you tell if he’s still alive?” he asks.

Hazel nods, giving him a small smile. “He’s still alive. My senses aren’t as keen as his are –when he feels someone die, it’s a loud buzz in his ears, but I just get a funny feeling like something’s not right. But as far as I can tell, yeah, he’s still alive.”

“Good,” he says. “I’ll try the Underworld, then.”

“Don’t be surprised if you don’t find him, though.” Hazel offers one last smile and cuts off the connection with a wave of her hand.

 

  **Ω Ω Ω**

Three weeks after Jason’s death, Nico gets the courage to summon the son of Jupiter’s spirit. An empty Happy Meal bag shudders in the wind beside him as he chants the ancient ritual.

“Jason Grace, show yourself!” he orders, seeing the tall misty figure reach down and scoop up the fries and a bite of burger from the freshly-dug grave.

When the spirit straightens, it is very obviously Jason and Nico can’t help but take a step back, fearing retribution, fearing that Jason will never forgive him for this. He deserves it, after all. It doesn’t make the thought of having his only friend turned against him any less hurtful, though. Instead, Jason only offers a smile. “Hey, buddy.”

“D-don’t you hate me?” he asks warily. “I killed you.”

“By accident,” Jason adds.

“You aren’t angry with me even a little?” Nico wonders, shrinking away from his friend. He deserves to have anger –no, fury –directed at him, he deserves for Jason to never forgive him, he deserves for Jason to hate him.

Jason scowls and crosses his arms. “I’m more angry with you for not telling me about your little problem than anything else.”

“I _killed_ you,” he says again, as if to emphasize, to make the son of Jupiter understand, because he seems to be a bit dense right now. The dead are like that sometimes. “You’re _dead_. And you’re angry with me for not telling you about my death touch thing?”

“It seems to be rather important information to tell a best friend,” Jason replies dryly. “Just in case he pats your back or gods forbid, gives you a hug. And here I am, dead because I touched you. I’m not mad at you for accidentally killing me. I’m okay with being dead, actually. It’s peaceful here in Elysium, even though I miss Piper and Leo and everyone. But you should have told me, Nico. Why didn’t you?”

“I was… I’m scared, Jason. I thought… if I ignored it, maybe it would go away on its own, but it didn’t, so I just wanted to leave,” he says, running his hands through his shaggy hair and trying to steady his breathing. “And then… after… I couldn’t stay. They know now, I’m sure. They probably think I’m a monster. Even Percy. That’s okay. I am a monster. I…” he trails off, shutting his eyes. He feels tears make their way down his cheeks.

“You’re not a monster,” Jason says quietly. “You just… can’t control your powers. Percy understands that too. He knows. He won’t judge you.”

He shakes his head and opens his eyes, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. “I learned how to control my powers not long after I ran from Camp Half-Blood the first time, when I was ten. How could I… just lose control like this?”

Jason shrugs.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me,” he continues, his voice cracking.

The son of Jupiter looks thoughtful. “You should ask your father. He could help you. Come down to the Underworld.”

“They’ll find me,” Nico whispers. “They’ll know it’s the easiest place to find me. They’ll know.”

“Who?”

“The campers from Camp Half-Blood!” he cries. “They’ll find me! They’ll find me and they’ll kill me because I’m a monster!”

“Nico,” Jason tries to calm him down, stepping forward and taking him by the shoulders. He can touch ghosts, and Jason’s hands feel solid, if cold. Nico relaxes slightly, and Jason pulls away. “Don’t you want to know what’s going on with your powers?”

“What’s the point?” he asks, letting out a harsh laugh.

“Hades could tell you how to fix it!”

“I can figure it out on my own,” he says.

Jason frowns. “You just want to run. Aren’t you tired from running and hiding, Nico?”

“No,” he lies. “I’m perfectly happy being on the run.”

His tone invites no argument, so Jason just shakes his head and sighs. “I’ve gotta go. If you ever feel lonely, well, know that you can always call my spirit to talk to.”

Nico nods as the ghost of his friend fades to mist, and then to nothing at all. He won’t be taking Jason up on his offer. The son of Jupiter might not blame him, but Nico knows it’s his fault and he can’t do anything to take it back. Death is irreversible (except in certain cases, but Nico can’t give his soul to Thanatos in exchange for the three he has killed. Maybe for Jason, but he’s pretty sure Jason would not allow it).

He kicks a rock into the grave and turns away, shadow-traveling to the motel room he’s staying at for the night. He kicks off his black Converse and collapses on the bed without even getting under the covers.

**Ω Ω Ω**

Percy remembers exactly where Orpheus’ entrance is, and he comes prepared with his iPod and Mrs. O’Leary in tow. He blasts music, and the rocks open to reveal a passageway. Mrs. O’Leary bounds ahead of him, and he can’t help but remember the last time he took this way to the Underworld. Things have changed so much since then.

He pauses as he comes to the line. Nico isn’t here to take his hand and shrug off the guards with a “He’s with me” and while Percy has been to Tartarus, the most dangerous, most terrifying part of the Underworld, he’s still pretty sure that Hades hates his guts and won’t hesitate to blast him till all that’s left of him are his bones. Surprisingly, no one takes notice as a very much alive son of Poseidon crosses through and makes his way toward the palace of Hades.

The Fury Alecto flies above him, and Percy ducks down and quickens his pace, but Alecto lands in front of him. As ugly as ever.

“Alecto,” he greets, reaching inside his pocket for Riptide.

“Percy Jackson,” she acknowledges. “Why have you come to the Underworld? I should kill you now.”

“I’m looking for Nico. Is he here?”

Alecto shakes her head. “I haven’t seen him for many months. Has something happened with him?” The affection in her voice surprises him. He hasn’t realized how much the creatures of the Underworld love the son of Hades. They all seem to respect him, but the Furies and Charon and Thanatos especially seem to have a genuine fondness for Nico.

“I need to speak with Hades,” Percy says. “Something… strange is happening to him, and I’d like to ask Hades about it.”

The Fury’s lips curl. “My master will not be pleased to see you, Perseus Jackson. Although I suppose, if it is of great importance, I will allow you to enter.”

“You won’t take me like last time?” he asks.

Alecto sneers at him. “You’ve got two legs, haven’t you? And a hellhound.” And she flies away.

Percy whistles for Mrs. O’Leary and he hops onto her back. She makes quick bounds to the palace and he slides off of her once they reach the entrance. He reaches up to pat her head. “I’ll be right back, assuming Hades doesn’t kill me,” the eighteen-year-old promises.

The doors open for him and he instantly tenses. He walks into the throne room, where Hades is awaiting him with eyes black as coal. Percy bows nervously.

“Percy Jackson,” the god of the dead greets with obvious distaste. “And to what do I owe the pleasure?”

The half-blood straightens and holds his head up high, trying to appear confident. “Lord Hades. Are you aware of what is happening to Nico?”

Hades clears his throat. “I assume you’re talking about how he recently started taking away a person’s life-force with a single touch.”

“Exactly. What’s going on? Are his powers getting stronger? Is it something all children of Hades—”

“No. It’s only Nico,” the god of the dead cuts in, his voice sounding surprisingly sad and regretful; as if he wishes that this were not true.

“Can’t you help him?” Percy asks, crossing his arms and tipping his head to the side. “You gave him this power, can’t you take it away?”

“I cannot,” he replies, his gaze burning with black fire. “This is not a new power that he has to control; this is healing gone wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“Much like you heal with water, Nico’s healing mechanism is to take in the life of more, ah, simple organisms, such as the grass. You think he radiates death, yes? Truthfully, he does not; he only absorbs life. But now I fear his healing mechanism is working too hard to heal him,” Hades explains, sighing and shaking his head slightly.

Percy frowns. “Healing him from what?”

The god of the Underworld pauses for a moment, looking unsure. “Nico is starved for affection. He denies himself any sort of physical touch from anyone except his sister. This is affecting his powers in a very bad way. You see, Percy, his powers –like the powers of every child of mine or my brothers –are closely linked to his emotions, and right now, well, he keeps pulling away and shutting people out. It is not healthy for him, and so his powers are trying to hold on to any connection they can; so strong they quite literally suck the life out of any person they touch.”

“You couldn’t have told him before this happened?” Percy accuses.

“I did not think it would get this far,” Hades says coolly. “He started making friends –or at least, he began spending time with that son of Jupiter, Jason Grace. Apparently that was not enough.”

Percy’s shoulders slump and he shakes his head, feeling discouraged. “Is there any way to fix it?”

“I do not know. This has never happened before. I don’t think there is any cure that would not require that he touch people. He would continue to take their lives until he has ‘healed.’ And I do not think that he would do it. Nico highly values life. Unfortunately, I think that this means Nico will begin to get very weak, and soon die from his condition.” Hades says this without emotion, but somehow Percy can tell that this is severely affecting the god. He doesn’t want his only son to die young, especially not after the premature death of Bianca. Percy doesn’t usually view Hades as a loving god, but he suddenly remembers the vision Nico had of his mother. He remembers how much Hades loved Maria di Angelo, and how much he loves his children.

“I’ll find a way, Lord Hades,” he promises.

Hades’ jaw twitches. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, nephew. But if you are so determined to find my son…” He snaps his long, bony fingers and Percy melts into the shadows.  The last thing he hears is, “And don’t worry. I’ll take care of your hellhound.”

**Ω Ω Ω**

He appears in a dark room, slightly illuminated by the light of the waning gibbous moon. As Percy’s eyes adjust (they don’t have to much; the light in the Underworld is incredibly dim and he can’t see a thing when he shadow-travels on Mrs. O’Leary), he notices a bed, a nightstand, a television set. He scrunches his nose in disgust at the faint scent of cigarette smoke. Yep, this is a cheap motel, all right.

In the bed and under the covers, Percy can see a small, pale sleeping face. Nico is pretty much eaten up by the blankets in the bed, which Percy would find amusing normally, but now it just looks as if Nico is trying to hide himself away from the world. He takes a careful step forward, quiet as he possibly can. The son of Poseidon doesn’t hear anything, but he supposes that Nico is a very light sleeper, because the moment his foot touches the floor, dark eyes fly open.

The younger demigod jolts up, staring at Percy with fear and confusion in his obsidian gaze. “P-Percy? What are you doing here? How’d you get in?”

He shrugs. “Your dad sent me here. He knew I was looking for you.”

“Why? You’re not –well, of course you’re angry with me,” Nico says, beginning to tremble. “Please, Percy, I won’t harm anyone again, I promise. I just –I…” he trails off for a moment, as though he’s trying to put together all of the words he is trying to say into one coherent sentence. “I never meant for any of this to happen. I don’t know what’s happening to me, Percy.”

“You’re ill, Nico,” he informs the boy quietly, wanting to reach out and touch, before he remembers that he can’t unless he has a death wish. “I went to the Underworld and Hades told me what’s wrong with you.”

 Nico lowers his gaze to stare at his hands, which are drawn closely to his chest. “So,” he says, not looking up, “what is happening to me?”

Percy sits down on the edge of the bed beside Nico, who inches away from him. The younger half-blood is afraid. Percy can’t blame him. He calmly explains to Nico what his father had told him, and as he goes on, he can’t help but notice the way Nico slouches, trying to make himself smaller and smaller, his dark eyes brimming with guilt and self-hatred and Percy wants to hug him so much.

“And there isn’t another way to fix it?” the son of Hades checks, and Percy shakes his head regretfully. Nico nods as if he’d expected it. Somehow, the news that he’s going to die if he doesn’t touch people isn’t affecting him as much as Percy had thought it would.

“So I’m going to die,” says Nico. “What else is new?”

Percy sighs. “I’m sorry, Nico.”

He shrugs. “Wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it was. I made you pull away all this time, didn’t I? Bianca died for me and you haven’t been the same since. You’ve been closed in and you used to be so outgoing. Nico, this is all my fault.”

“Stop blaming yourself,” he scoffs. “Bianca’s death was not your fault. This happened to me because –” he stops abruptly, biting his lower lip and actually meeting Percy’s gaze now. “You should go now. Thank you for telling me all this.”

“I can’t go,” Percy replies, frowning. “I want to help you.”

“With what, Percy?” Nico shakes his head and sighs. “Please leave. I’m a danger to you and to everyone. Maybe it’s best that I die.”

“That’s it?” the son of Poseidon asks, shocked. “You’re just going to accept your fate? That’s not like you, Nico.”

“You don’t know me very well, then,” the younger teen murmurs, looking down and swallowing hard.

“Nico…”

“Percy, I am going to die,” he states matter-of-factly. “I am not going to touch people to absorb their life force so I can get better. I can’t do that. I just…” his voice cracks, and he takes a deep breath before continuing. “I can’t do it. So this is my only option. Thank you for telling me, and thank you for trying to be my friend. It means a lot to me. But you should probably go.”

The eighteen-year-old shakes his head and looks up at the ceiling. He sighs before lowering his head again and meeting the younger boy’s dark gaze. “Don’t you get it? I’m not going anywhere. You’ve been alone for so long, Nico. If you’re going to die, I’m not going to let you die alone.”

Nico is silent for a moment. His only reaction is to blink up at him. Slowly, a small, sad smile tugs at the corners of the fifteen-year-old’s mouth. “Fine, if you’re going to be so stubborn. But I shadow-travel a lot, and I can’t take you without touching you.”

Percy shrugs. “We’ll figure something out.”

Nico nods and gets out of bed. Percy has to struggle not to grin because Nico’s wearing Batman pajamas and gods, the boy is such a geek. It’s pretty, well. It’s pretty _cute._ Deep inside this scared, sad fifteen-year-old boy, is an easily excitable ten-year-old. “You can get in bed. I don’t sleep very much. I’ll just settle on the couch.”

“Are you sure?” Percy asks, and Nico dips his head. Percy passes him, and Nico makes a wider space between them than necessary, his hands still close to his chest. It’s obvious he’s afraid, and now that Percy is here and with him, his fear and stress levels probably won’t go down. At least when he was alone, he would know for certain that he wouldn’t hurt anyone.

But Percy will be careful. He knows he can be impulsive, but he knows to keep his distance.

He lies down in the bed and is pleasantly surprised by the warmth Nico’s body heat left in the sheets. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Percy,” Nico murmurs.

**Ω Ω Ω**

So, here’s his problem: Percy is here. Percy found him. And no matter how hard he tries, Percy insists that he won’t leave him. But Nico is getting antsy staying in one place for so long, and he needs to leave, soon, soon, soon, but he can’t take Percy unless he wants the older teen to drop dead.

Which he doesn’t. Ever.

“I know exactly what we need!” says Percy brightly, gesturing for Nico to follow him out of the motel room, which he does with some reluctance. It’s lucky that the motel is literally right across the street from a shopping center, which, coincidentally, holds a Wal-Mart.

Nico’s very familiar with Wal-Mart. Where else do you think he gets his clothes? Hot Topic is too expensive for a boy who is always on the run, even if he does happen to come across money rather easily –seriously, last night he found a fifty dollar bill, just lying on the ground. No one else around.  Money just finds him. He supposes it’s the whole “son of the god of wealth” thing.

Percy leads him to the baby and toddler section. It’s a bit embarrassing and weird, considering they don’t have a baby with them, but when a pregnant woman glances at them, Percy says, “Oh, we’re just getting some stuff for my baby sister. My mom sent us out because she’s a bit busy.”

And the woman smiles back tightly.

Finally Percy sees what he wants and he grabs the box, looking over it and nodding. “Perfect.”

Nico catches a glimpse of it and his face instantly reddens with a bit of humiliation and a bit of anger, too. “Don’t be ridiculous, Percy.”

“Do you have any better ideas?” he asks, grinning, which is irritating because, no, Nico does not have any better ideas, but wearing that will be incredibly embarrassing to say the least.

“I’m not wearing a baby leash.”

Percy pouts, which Nico refuses to acknowledge that it is adorable, but eventually he agrees. He isn’t happy about it, though, especially when he learns that, of all colors, it is rainbow. That-that just makes this a huge joke now. But at least it doesn’t wrap around his waist or anything like most baby leashes; it only goes around his wrist. Plus, it’s elastic and can stretch for up to fourteen feet, so Nico has a bit of personal space if he needs it, which, yeah, he does. And it solves the whole I-can’t-shadow-travel-the-both-of-us-without-touching-Percy problem, so. It’ll have to do. 

“I feel ridiculous,” Nico says for the fourth time, and Percy doesn’t even glance his way now.

“You were getting anxious staying in one place. So, let’s go. Uh, wherever you wanna go, that is.”

Truthfully, Nico doesn’t know where he wants to go. He never does. He just goes where the winds, or more accurately, where the shadows, take him. Sometimes it’s China (the shadows lovvveee taking him to China), sometimes it’s Utah (yeah, he doesn’t know why?), sometimes it’s Argentina (which he can feel sort of at home since there are a lot of Italians there).

“Okay,” he says quietly, and he and Percy melt into the darkness.

**Ω Ω Ω**

They live on the run like this for a few weeks. Percy isn’t even put out by the fact that he’s not going to college, or that half the time his mother has no idea where he is (he makes sure to Iris Message her as often as possible, but Nico always gets kind of anxious when communicating with people that aren’t Hazel), and well. Hazel. They make sure to keep in touch with her, and she is incredibly worried and scared for Nico.

They tell her that Nico most likely will not get better from this, and she starts weeping and sobbing and trying to reach through the Iris Message, as if she could hold her brother and comfort him (or more like, take comfort from him).

“It’s okay, Hazel,” says Nico, his chin up. He’s pretending not to be afraid or sad when Percy knows he wishes he could touch. What a little soldier, the son of Poseidon thinks, smiling bitterly. “Don’t worry about me.”

“I miss you,” she finally manages, wiping her eyes. “I want to see you in person.”

“I can’t risk a trip to Camp Jupiter,” Nico murmurs in reply, face twisted with regret and fear. It’s painfully obvious how much he loves his sister. “I’m sorry.”

Hazel sniffs. “I’ll come to you, then.”

Nico shakes his head, and that’s that. The son of Hades waves his hand and cuts off the connection. He swallows hard. “I can’t let her come near me. It never worked on her before, but now –I can’t take the risk. She’ll hug me, I know she will, and she’ll think that she won’t be affected, and I’ll hope that she won’t, but something –something will happen, and I just _know_ that… it’s stronger now, of course she’ll…”    

“I understand,” Percy replies softly, wanting to gather the boy into a hug, but he can’t, so he just watches as Nico paces the floor of their cave. He doesn’t really understand, and he can’t imagine what Nico is going through, but it sounds better than a pitiful _‘I’m sorry’_.

Nico lowers his gaze and sighs, sitting down. The settle into their usual silence, because really, what can you talk about? How can Percy keep things light when it’s rather inevitable that Nico will die? Maybe not now, but soon enough. And gods, does that thought hurt.

Percy shakes his head slowly and sadly, glancing at Nico. The corners of his mouth twitch up when he sees the younger teen has fallen asleep.

   **Ω Ω Ω**

As more weeks pass (it’s been about seven weeks since Nico and Hazel’s Iris Message), Percy begins to notice Nico slowing down. It takes a longer time to call the shadows to them, and sometimes after shadow-traveling, he’ll stumble and fall, catching himself on his hands. It’ll take him a while to finally stand, as well. It kills Percy to not be able to help, to only be able to watch as Nico suffers, but he promised not to leave the younger half-blood alone.

“Shadow-travel time again,” Nico announces wearily, and Percy nods without a word.

Nico closes his eyes and concentrates, and Percy feels the familiar feeling of bone-chilling cold and hears shrill screams in the dead of night, and suddenly they appear in a big forested area. Nico slumps his shoulders, looking exhausted, and he’s about to say that this is where they’ll rest for tonight when Percy tenses, because this place –this place is incredibly familiar.

“Nico,” he says, “we’re in Central Park.”

And the fifteen-year-old, poor Nico, is too tired even to curse in Italian. He merely gives a disinterested nod and leans on a tree, sliding down and closing his eyes. “Tired,” he murmurs, and Percy is on edge because it’s been a few months, but he’s pretty sure that the demigods at Camp Half-Blood haven’t called off the search.

“Nico,” Percy urges, “get us out of here.”

“Can’t,” he mutters in reply. “Have to rest.”

“Nico, please!” he insists, because he really doesn’t want the campers to find them. The younger teen stirs for a moment, and shadows pull them in and spit them out again –but the problem is, Percy can tell where they are, and it isn’t much farther away. They’re in some woods in New Jersey, that much he knows, and he turns to Nico to question him about it, when he realizes –this is probably as good as he’s going to do. The poor boy is so exhausted, he’s still in the same position he was previously in Central Park, curled up tightly on top of a blanket of dead leaves, preserving his own body heat.

In about five seconds, Nico is knocked out.

Percy frowns with worry. Nico is losing energy rather quickly now, and Percy feels a knot form in the pit of his stomach, because he can’t think of this but, intellectually he knows it’s bound to happen, but –Nico is dying. Nico is dying and he can’t do anything about it and it’s driving Percy insane.

They still aren’t very far away from Camp Half-Blood, so unlike Nico, Percy can’t let his guard down. (It’s not like Nico had a choice, anyway –his powers take too much out of him, especially now, when…) Carefully, Percy slips the baby leash off of his own wrist and uncaps Riptide. He needs to patrol the area, just to make sure and to ease his mind. He raises his sword and bronze light dimly illuminates the part of the forest he is in.

He barely takes a few steps when he hears a familiar voice. “Percy?”

_Shit._

A group of three demigods come out of the bushes. He only recognizes one of the campers. Clarisse. “What are you doing here? We haven’t seen you for months!”

They haven’t seen Nico. Oh, thank Olympus, he thinks, but his momentary relief is over when Clarisse smiles and glances over to where the small son of Hades is sleeping fitfully. “I see you’ve found our little fugitive.”

“If you touch him, I swear I’ll end you,” Percy warns, tightening his grip on Riptide. He likes to think of him and Clarisse as friends, but Nico –Nico is the important one right now.

“ _I_ won’t,” Clarisse says, gesturing to two of her friends. “But they will.”

Percy tries to push past her in order to defend his friend, but she catches him and shoves him back, wielding her electric spear. The two campers reach Nico, and one of them –a tall, blond-haired boy, raises his spear.

“No!” he shouts, at the top of his lungs, inching closer to the son of Hades. “Nico, wake up! _NICO!_ ”

Nico stirs and in half a second flat is in battle stance, Stygian iron sword in hand. Relief floods him for a second before Clarisse lunges. He barely manages to meet her strike.

“Traitor!” she snarls, pointing towards Nico. “You’d rather protect a criminal than serve justice!”

“He doesn’t mean to do any harm!” Percy insists, risking a glance at Nico. It’s obvious that he’s tired, but he can still hold his own against the two campers. There’s a worried and almost terrified look on his face, though, and Percy thinks he knows what might be going on in the younger teen’s head. The eighteen-year-old bites his lip nervously and, knowing that it’s probably a long-shot, he orders, “Nico! Shadow-travel! We’ll rendezvous later, just get out of here!”

_Get out of here and be safe._

Nico pauses for a moment while Percy continues the fight with Clarisse. He hears Nico growl in frustration, “I can’t.”

“Call on your skeleton warriors, then,” he says, dodging an attack from the daughter of Ares.

He hears a gasp and an even more discouraged cry from the fifteen-year-old, “ _I can’t!_ ”

Percy is too focused on Clarisse to be much help to Nico right now, but from the corner of his eye, he sees Nico losing ground. The other two campers seem to get excited over winning, and press closer. The two work as one, lunging forward, and he isn’t really sure _how_ it happens; it just happens. Either Nico momentarily forgets his death-touch, or the other two campers forget about it, because Percy freezes as he hears an elongated cry of agony and two simultaneous short gasps, and three bodies hit the forest floor. Clarisse’s eyes widen and she glances that way, too.

 Nico is holding himself up by his hands, but otherwise, he’s kneeling on the ground, trembling and hyperventilating. Percy can see tears building on the corners of his dark eyes.

“Nico!” Percy hurries to him and bends down beside the son of Hades, not sure how to comfort him if he can’t touch. “Nico.” _You’re okay,_ he wants to say, but he knows something could not be more untrue.

“I told you he’s a monster,” he hears Clarisse’s steely voice say. He jumps to his feet as he realizes that he can hear the electricity of her spear crackle in the air. Clarisse is looming over Nico’s defeated form, about to strike. As her spear comes down, Percy manages to rush over him and meet Lamer (oh, sorry, _Maimer_ ; that’s the name of Clarisse’s spear, right) with Riptide. Electric sparks spray from the spear as once again, he breaks one of Clarisse’s weapons.

Clarisse steps back, eyes wide.

“Leave. _Now_ ,” Percy growls, giving her his best wolf-glare, which he learned from the great Lupa. Hey, having some Roman training has its upsides.

Clarisse meets his glare with one of her own, but says nothing as she walks away.

Percy relaxes his fight-tensed muscles and glances at the boy at his feet. Nico’s still trembling, looking panicked and sick. He crouches down next to Nico and murmurs gently, “Hey. Hey, you okay?” It sounds pitiful, but he needs to get some conversation going, and he thinks –he hopes –that getting Nico to open will help the situation.

Nico lets out a choked sob, clutching at the grass, which turns brown and wilted at his touch. “You –” he pauses for a moment to collect himself, “should have let her kill me.”

 “Never,” Percy promises. “Nico –”

But this is when Nico truly begins to weep, his chest heaving with sobs and Percy doesn’t know what to do. He needs to be touched, needs to be comforted, but… Percy bites his lip and hesitantly reaches over to pat his back.

Instantly Nico flinches away, a loud, guttural, primitive scream forcing its way out of his throat. _“Don’t –touch –me !”_

Percy cringes away, feeling helpless as Nico continues to sob. He’s never seen the other boy break down like this; he doesn’t know how to help him, especially without comforting him with an embrace, or a stroke of the hair, or something. So Percy puts two fingers to his mouth and does his best New York taxicab whistle, calling, “Mrs. O’Leary!”

And in two minutes, the friendly hellhound has appeared beside Percy, her tail wagging and thumping trees. She licks Percy’s face and he laughs, but he urges her to go to Nico. She whimpers, sensing the teen’s distress, and gently nuzzles his face. Nico takes a sharp breath and embraces her by her neck, clutching at her soft, dark fur.

It takes him a while to calm down, but eventually, he does. “What’s this?” Nico wonders quietly, taking an envelope from where it was stuck under Mrs. O’Leary’s collar. He wipes his eyes and holds out the envelope. “It’s addressed to you.”

Curious, Percy takes it from Nico and opens it, reading over it a couple of times:

_“Percy Jackson,_

_You have done well to help my son. I (grudgingly) thank you for that. For this, I have enclosed a set of keys to an apartment, where I expect you and Nico to live in for the remainder of his days. The address is on the back of this paper._

_Mrs. O’Leary will take you._

_Hopefully, you will find a way to cure my son, but I have never been an optimist._

_PS. I still don’t like you._

_-Hades_

Before Percy can even think to react to the letter, Nico asks him quietly, “What does it say?”

“Hades rented an apartment for us,” Percy replies, looking up from the piece of paper to see Nico clinging onto Mrs. O’Leary again. It’s the only physical touch that won’t hurt him or anyone else, after all. Nico reaches up and scratches the hellhound’s ear, making Mrs. O’Leary’s tail wag so enthusiastically, he can feel the wind stirred up. Nico’s eyes are closed, enjoying the sensation of finally touching. It’s not human contact, but Percy supposes it’s good enough. “Your father cares about you.”

“That surprises you?” Nico blinks open his dark eyes, which are still rimmed with red and puffy after his breakdown, but the younger teen makes an attempt to smile. Percy marvels at Nico’s strength; both emotional and physical.

He grins back, thinking of his trip to the Underworld a few months ago. “No.”

Nico nods and stands up. He rolls his shoulders and glances down at the bodies of the two dead campers, and speaks an Ancient Greek blessing. “Last rites,” Nico murmurs in explanation. His eyes brim with guilt and even more self-loathing –just when Percy thought he would get better, this had to happen. He looks incredibly tired, as well. “I don’t have enough power in me to bury them, so this is all I can do.”

Percy only nods in response, and the two climb up on their pet hellhound. Nico is tensed, afraid that somehow, they’ll touch, but Percy settles a good distance away. Mrs. O’Leary is the size of a tank. It’ll be fine. Because Percy has a good sense of humor and it’s been a while since he’d ridden on top of his pet, and because he’s been trying to get Nico into watching _Avatar: The Last Airbender,_ he yells, “Mrs. O’Leary! Yip-yip!”

The shadows pull them in and spit them. It takes Percy a moment to orientate himself, but once he does, his eyes widen. “Dude! Your dad gave us a _luxury condo._ ”

Nico slides off of Mrs. O’Leary’s back and shrugs. “God of wealth.” He looks around for a moment, then locates the couch which is partially covered by the hellhound’s tail. He collapses on top of it and curls up, falling asleep almost instantly. Percy shakes his head; it’s quite obvious how exhausted he must be, what with his earlier attempts at shadow-traveling and the emotional fatigue that comes after crying. Percy can’t even imagine how Nico feels currently, but his heart bleeds for the boy.

He rubs Mrs. O’Leary’s back. The apartment is so huge, it can fit several Mrs. O’Learys, so there is no problem getting her to fit. He moves some of the dining room stuff out of the way so that she can sleep there, and he goes off to explore his new (temporary, maybe) home. It’s very modern, and he knows Annabeth would love it, but he only really cares about 1) the fifty inch flat screen in the living room and 2) the Jacuzzi in the bathroom.

He goes back in the living room to check on Nico and sees that he’s shivering in his sleep. Frowning, he turns away to find a blanket. He spreads the blanket over Nico and watches the sleeping teen’s face for a moment. Percy is suddenly overcome by the urge to scoot in beside him, to hold him while he sleeps and stroke his long silky hair, to _touch._ And he can’t. He can’t, and he really hates it.

There are two bedrooms, one for him and one for Nico, but as Nico is sleeping on the couch, Percy opts to sleep on the floor beside the couch. If he can’t touch Nico, then he at least wants to be close to him. Tonight is not a night for leaving Nico to face his nightly terrors alone.

**Ω Ω Ω**

Nico is awoken by the sound of the television. It’s at a low volume, but he’s a rather light sleeper, and well, after _that_ nightmare…

“Hey,” says Percy’s voice gently, and Nico glances down to see the eighteen-year-old sitting on the floor with his legs criss-cross-apple-sauce, watching some cartoon.  He turns to Nico and tries for a smile. “You should take a shower. I was just about to make breakfast. How do you feel about pancakes?”

He shrugs. He doesn’t really care. Percy knows that he doesn’t eat much, anyway.

“Are you okay?” He notices Percy’s cringe; he knows what’s wrong, but he doesn’t want to press, Nico can tell. He appreciates the effort.

“I’m sorry about yesterday. I-I don’t know what happened, I just –they had me cornered, and I didn’t want to, but it was instinct; they came at me and I put my guard up to defend myself, and I just…” Nico bites his lip. He’d never attempted to tell Percy how it felt, but here was the truth: for a brief moment, after the blinding agony of touch and a millisecond before overwhelming guilt overtook him, he had felt _good._ Euphoric, even. He had been flooded with a feeling of rapture, which makes the whole thing worse. He tries to explain this to Percy, curling up more and more within himself, but Percy doesn’t look judging, just concerned.

“It’s the life force,” Percy says, shaking his head sadly. “You’re…” Nico can tell he doesn’t want to say the word, but he forces it out. “You’re dying and the life force helped you.”

“That’s what I think,” Nico agrees. “Maybe you should leave.”

“Never,” Percy insists. “You’re my friend.”

It both hurts and feels really, really good to hear those words come out of Percy’s mouth. Hurts because he still loves Percy, and now that they’ve spent all this time together, he might be falling even more in love. Feels good because he finally has Percy’s friendship and trust.

“Okay.”

The son of Poseidon smiles again. “Go take a shower, okay? You might feel better afterward. Just remember that none of this is your fault, Nico.”

“It is, though,” he says. “I isolated myself. I drove people away. And now look at what’s happened. I killed five people, one of which was my-my best friend.”

“You couldn’t have known that was the cause,” Percy argues gently. “It’s not your fault. Now go shower.”

Nico can tell that Percy isn’t going to be swayed, and maybe he’s just feeling sorry for himself right now. He jumps out of the couch and goes to the bathroom.

**Ω Ω Ω**

Percy really tries to keep Nico’s spirits up, but as the weeks pass, the boy gets weaker and weaker. And as he gets weaker, Percy gets more anxious and afraid and worried, because he really, really doesn’t want to lose Nico.  He’d hoped that there’d be some cure, and in desperation, he’d IM’d Annabeth (they haven’t exactly been in touch since their break-up, so Annabeth was surprised) for any suggestions, but she was as clueless as he was.

Percy walks past Nico’s room and glances in. The room is dark and the television is off. Percy glances at his watch and bites his lip. It’s three in the afternoon.  

Nico is so weak, he barely gets out of bed, barely eats, barely talks. He stays curled up in his huge bundle of blankets, asleep most of the time. The rest, he watches TV. He smiles, sometimes, when Percy cracks jokes to keep him light, but he’s lethargic and it’s starting to affect his overall mood. He isn’t cranky or grouchy; he’s merely disinterested.

Percy isn’t a son of Hades, but he doesn’t have to be to see Nico’s life force slowly seep out of him.

 It’s hard to see the fifteen-year-old wilt like a flower.

One day, as Nico watches an episode of Pokémon with Percy sitting on a beanbag chair near the bed, he gets an idea. Or, well, he’s had the idea for a while, but now is the time to test it out, because he really can’t stand seeing Nico like this anymore, waiting for Death like some eighty-year-old (well, technically, he is like eighty-something right? Okay, whoa, slow down there, Percy stop making your brain hurt). For more Nico’s sake than his own, he asks, “Nico?”

“Hmm?” Nico turns his head and blinks at him tiredly.

“Will you teach me to play Mythomagic?”

And the son of Hades seems to shudder to life, dark eyes sparking with renewed light.

**Ω Ω Ω**

“This is a terrible deck,” Nico says a few days later.

“Give me a break; I’ve been too busy taking care of you to make sure I’ve gotten the good cards.”

“I don’t even _like_ Mythomagic anymore. Why are you making me teach you?”

“You’re a freaking liar, di Angelo. The moment I said ‘Mythomagic,’ you jumped out of bed like fucking Lazarus rising from the dead.”

“I did not!” Nico’s face reddens.

“You’re a dork,” Percy says affectionately.

And here’s the problem: Percy realizes right then and there that he really, really likes Nico.

In the way that he just wants to hold Nico close to him, and talk, and laugh, and –okay, fine, _kiss._

Basically, this whole situation sucks.

**Ω Ω Ω**

Slowly, Nico begins to have a slightly more positive outlook, but it’s mostly only when they’re playing Mythomagic that his eyes truly blaze with life. The boy takes his game so seriously, he actually scares Percy a bit.

(It’s cute and hilarious and terrifying, the way he’ll yell at Percy for using his Poseidon card wrong.)

He’s still too weak to leave the apartment, though, but he’ll walk around the apartment a couple of times a day to stretch his legs. So… it’s okay. But Percy doesn’t exactly think Nico’s getting _better_ per se; he’s just trying to be strong and not give up.

Again, Nico is a little soldier.

One day, as they watch TV in Nico’s room, Percy takes in Nico’s pale, sickly complexion and remembers when he was little, when his skin was darker, when his cheeks flushed with health and his eyes sparkled. They still do sparkle sometimes –like, there are times when Percy will catch Nico looking at him (staring, more like), with this-this _glimmer_ in his dark eyes, full of some sort of bittersweet sadness, and maybe some affection, too.

 It’s kind of hard to imagine Nico feeling affection for _him_ of all people; Percy Jackson, the guy who let his sister die, the guy who barely paid attention to him before coming out of Tartarus, the guy who’s getting a bit depressed (and determined not to show it) because Nico’s slowly dying and he’s realized that he might be in love with the other teen.

“I want you to come outside with me,” Percy announces, but it’s really more of an order than a suggestion, and he hopes that Nico gets that.

The younger teen frowns and pulls up his blankets, shaking his head.

“Nico, please,” Percy almost begs, “I think it would do you good.”

“Why would it?” Nico asks.

He rolls his eyes and pushes his hand through his hair, getting a bit aggravated with Nico’s stubbornness. “Nico, you just –look, you’re starting to be more positive, and that’s good, but you’re not getting better. I really think being out in the sun would do you some good.”

Percy isn’t sure when he started likening Nico to a plant, but he’s doing it again now. He’s been watering Nico, keeping him hydrated, but what the younger teen needs most now is sunlight. It isn’t a life-force, maybe Percy’s wrong and it really won’t help, but maybe –just maybe, it can help. The sun doesn’t provide life, but it helps sustain it. “Please.”

Nico blinks up at him, then reluctantly nods. “Okay, fine. Now?”

“Get dressed first,” Percy says, then, remembering that Nico is probably anxious because he still doesn’t have very much energy, adds, “We won’t go far; you’ll be fine.”

Once more, he has the urge to reach out and touch, to hold him and squeeze him tight for a moment before letting go, to kiss his cheek lovingly, and Percy is struggling with these feelings because intellectually, he knows he can’t unless he wants to take a permanent vacation to the Underworld. He gets up from his chair and makes his way out of Nico’s room, closing the door gently once he’s left.

A couple of minutes later, Nico walks out wearing a loose black Led Zeppelin T-shirt, black jeans, and his usual black Converse shoes. “Okay, then. I guess… we just go outside?”

“You go first,” Percy offers, jumping off of the couch.

Nico nods and leads the way out of the apartment complex. It’s a bright, warm spring day. They’re maybe three blocks from their apartment when Nico gets tired and, because it’s a beautiful day and they just came outside, Percy makes him rest on the grass, so they can stay for a while.

Nico lies down and stretches out on the grass, and the grass wilts and dies at his touch. Still, it doesn’t seem to bother the son of Hades as he closes his eyes and even smiles as he feels the sun on his face. “It’s nice,” Nico admits softly.

“I’m glad you feel that way,” Percy murmurs, raising his face to the sky. “Just tell me when you want to leave.”

When Nico doesn’t answer, Percy lowers his head and glances at him, then shakes his head and smiles in amusement.

He’s dozed off.

**Ω Ω Ω**

For two weeks, this is a daily occurrence. They’ll walk further every day as Nico gets stronger and more energetic, and they’ll sit on the grass and talk for a while. Nico always dozes off after about half an hour, but Percy doesn’t mind. He thinks that it’s during the boy’s catnaps that he’s truly being helped.

The son of Poseidon shakes his head and gazes at people walking their dogs past them, at families having picnics a little ways away, and smiles.

After another forty-five minutes or so, Nico stirs and sits up, groggily rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Hey, sleepy-head, how do you feel?” Percy asks, a little absently.

“Fine,” he responds, beginning to stand up. “I’m kind of hungry.”

“Want McDonald’s?” It’s a rhetorical question, kind of, because with Nico, the answer to it is always, _always_ an enthusiastic “Yes!”

So they shadow-travel (he brought the baby leash, no worries) to the nearest greasy, gross, unhealthy fast-food restaurant with a big yellow M and order a feast to go. (By feast, they mean four Big Macs, three Quarter-Pounders, two servings of large fries, and two McFlurries. They eat the McFlurries first, since they’ll melt if they don’t start on them right away.)

Nico looks a bit ridiculous holding a McDonald’s to-go bag so huge that the short teen can barely even see where he’s walking, but he manages up until they’re on the last step up to their apartment.

That’s when Nico trips on his loose shoelace. On pure instinct, Percy lunges forward to catch him, grabbing Nico’s bare arm. The last thing Percy is aware of is agonizing pain.

  **Ω Ω Ω**

Agony. Agony everywhere.

Nico flinches away from the source, which just so happens to be Percy’s touch, and the older teen falls on the floor in front of the door to their apartment. Nico feels the sickness he’d felt so many times before at the realization, and he scrambles away, holding his hands to his mouth to stop himself from letting out a cry of grief.

Not Percy.

He’s already taken away five lives, one of which was Jason.

Please not Percy, too.

Oh, gods, what has he done? He’s killed _Percy._

Everything is deadly silent, as if the world is already missing Percy Jackson.

There is no ringing in his ears. No ringing, and he can see Percy’s life force still clinging onto his body. Tears of relief fall from Nico’s eyes and he manages to gasp, “Water. Water.”

He shadow-travels inside the apartment, lunch forgotten, and fills a mop bucket with water. He opens the door, and dumping the water over Percy. The son of Poseidon stirs and then goes still again, but Nico can sense that the water is helping to heal him.

“Come on,” he begs. “Wake up.”

When Percy doesn’t move, Nico carefully lifts the older teen as best he can (Percy is freaking heavy; it’s hard), and drags him inside, placing him inside the Jacuzzi. Somehow, the touch doesn’t hurt him anymore, but he doesn’t have time to think about what that might imply. He turns on the water, not even caring that Percy is fully clothed, and prays to every god there is.

Percy blinks open his sea-green eyes.

**Ω Ω Ω**

“N-Nico?” Percy asks weakly, brow furrowed with pain. He blinks up at the younger teen, seeing Nico’s anxious expression. “What happened?”

It takes a moment for Nico to get something out, and when he does, his tone is full of anger and worry and relief. “You-you –” He looks like he wants to punch Percy in the face. “You touched me. Why did you do that? You could have just let me fall, like what you used to do while I was getting weak and losing energy, but  no, you had try to steady me. You almost _died_.”

It isn’t directly stated, but Percy can pretty much hear the _‘you fucking idiot_ ,’ attached to the end of the sentence. He manages a smile. “I didn’t want the McDonald’s to do to waste.”

“What a tragedy that would have been,” Nico retorts, sarcasm thick. “Meanwhile here I am, beating myself up because I thought you would die.”

“But I didn’t,” Percy says, then he sits up straight in the Jacuzzi. He grins at Nico. “Do you know what that means? You’re getting better. Maybe-maybe if we touch more–”

Nico shoots down the idea before it even fully leaves Percy’s mouth. “Absolutely not.”

He leans closer to his friend, hope fluttering in his chest, because if he didn’t die, then all it takes for Nico to get completely better is to touch, and if Percy has survived this, he can survive anything else. “You can beat this. You don’t have to die.”

Nico’s face takes on an expression of complete and utter pain. Guilt and maybe some longing are mixed in there too, somehow. “I almost killed you,” he says, his voice a whisper. He begins to shake with fear. “I could still kill you if we do this. I can’t do that, Percy. I can’t take that risk.”

“Don’t be silly. I won’t die!” Percy replies confidentially.

“ _I don’t know that!_ ” Nico almost screams back, but it isn’t angry; his tone is terrified. “I can’t kill you!” All of a sudden, his voice drops so low, it is barely audible. Percy has to strain to hear. “Not you.”

Percy’s stomach tightens. He feels as though they’ve almost gotten to a truth here, a secret well-hidden but is being unearthed. And he thinks he knows what it is. The puzzle pieces fit together so well; how could he not have noticed before now?

“Nico,” he says softly, wanting to coax the truth from him, “are you in love with me?”

Nico closes his eyes, letting a teardrop fall down his cheek. It’s all the answer Percy needs.

Percy blinks and reaches out, wanting to take Nico’s hand. The younger boy moves his hand away, but Percy is determined. The older half-blood scoots closer and takes Nico’s hand, grunting at the pain that suddenly shoots through his entire being, but the water from the Jacuzzi soothes it nearly instantly.

“’S not so bad,” he assures, but Nico seems as if he isn’t paying attention. The son of Hades is completely focused on their laced fingers. His obsidian eyes are so soft, filled with wonder and hope and, well. _Love._

Slowly he raises his gaze to meet Percy’s, and his hand tightens around Percy’s, as if he never wants to let go. Percy doesn’t mind. It hurts still, but since he’s in water, he can deal with the pain. Besides, human contact has been sorely missed (though he suspects that, of course, Nico has had it worse than him).

“You know,” he begins, “ever since you ran away, all I could think about was finding you and helping you. And then I went to the Underworld and learned what was wrong, and Hades sent me to you. You didn’t want me around, but I needed to be. I didn’t have any other choice. Even though seeing you slowly die killed me to watch. Listen, Nico, I’ve watched many of my friends die. It’s always hard. But you –you I don’t think I could stand to see suffer the same fate, especially not like this.”

“Percy,” Nico breathes, voice full of hope, “are you trying to say…?”

 “I’ll kiss you when you get better,” Percy says, offering him a kind smile. “But yes. So, you _have_ to get better. For me.”

“Okay.”

Neither of them let go of the other’s hands for the rest of the night.

   **Ω Ω Ω**

Get better he does. It’s a slow process, one that takes about a month, but by the time Nico has turned sixteen on the sixteenth of May, (he’s sixteen now! Holy Hera!), Percy doesn’t have to be in the Jacuzzi to touch him anymore.

Nico and Percy sit on their couch, watching TV. Nico’s pressed incredibly close to Percy; it’s as though he was so starved of touch that now he simply cannot get enough of it. Percy doesn’t mind, but he knows Nico constantly worries about it.

“Am I smothering you?” Nico asks every ten minutes, leaning away slightly before Percy pulls him back.

“Stop,” he murmurs, “you could never smother me. You’re fine.”

“Okay,” his boyfriend replies, relaxing against him. Percy can tell he’s about to doze off, but he really needs to talk to Nico about something.

“I think maybe if we explain the situation to Camp Half-Blood, we can go back,” he offers.

Nico glances up at him, blinking sleep out of his eyes. “I don’t want to go back, Percy. Even if they understand, which, odds are they won’t, I’ll never be accepted back there. I’ll always be looked at as a freak.”

His throat tightens because he’s been trying really hard to help Nico with his self-esteem, but his efforts seem to be in vain. “Nico–”

“I like it here, though,” he continues. “I want to stay here with you. I’ll go visit Hazel sometimes, and we can visit your mom, I promise, but I don’t want to go back to camp. Please?”

He stares at Nico and slowly, a smile spreads on his face. Nico almost never asks for anything, and now he’s trying to compromise. They can see their family and friends; they won’t be isolated from other people, but Percy begins to see that Nico has a point. Camp Half-Blood probably will not accept Nico back. He squeezes Nico’s hand and kisses him gently on the lips. “That’s fine. As long as we’re together.”


End file.
